An Apology for Sena

(For Z and B who witnessed the slaughter)

Forgive me if I smile often, Sena,

for you are not sure if I have a heart
overflowing with love enough to ever love dearly.

You are too young to remember
how I was named in sentences of unaccented tongues,
And you do not know I was buried in an open grave
And like a poor man from Salaga I never had my say
and I took my unsung dreams with me to my somewhere

You were young then and I was too frail

to sing loudly in the court of conscience
and they all found me guilty of love
of not caring enough to love their daughter
and I died and I dreamed and I tried and I
I died of sleep. 

This was many years ago

and Zeno was away and Britt was put on pause

Sena, forgive me if I laugh myself away

I laugh and smile because I’ve unfashion the open grave

placed my swollen feet in a complex lace

and I’ve ended the foreclosures on my life

and refused to demand recompense for my heartaches

And I never cursed the Land which gave you birth

for the many heartbreaks I survived

Sena, if you see me laugh shyly

it’s because I do not have a tongue of worms
like some who expose the venom they learned from somewhere

And if you care to know

I’ll never burp you up
I will always hold your love close to my heart